The last few months have been better than the one's before. The moments of panic and fear are dwindling. I see hope in the distance. We live most days in a peaceful calm. The routine and steady rhythm give me peace. It keeps me sane.
Then, days like yesterday happen....
I went to lunch with an old friend. It started out fine. Reconnecting and catching up. Then she asked how I was. I told her the truth, life was often hard and little by little day by day our family is healing and making it though the hardest years of our lives.
Then, crash, the mean comments, the judgement, the truth. She told me that she didn't believe what I had told her about what we were walking through. She told me there had to be more to the story. I couldn't be telling her the truth. Nothing could have REALLY happened the way I said it did.
My heart began to race, my blood pressure rose, I went cold, all the blood rushed to my head and I had an immediate migraine. I was fuming. I thought she was a friend. I thought.......
I wanted to run, I wanted to scream, I wanted to hit something.
Then..........then I suddenly felt an immense amount of well pity. Pity for her. Pity for the fact that our world is scared, broken, completely and totally lost. She needs hope, she needs Jesus.
I stayed , we talked, I explained the best I could. We hugged. We parted ways. Probably forever.
I am going to continue to heal. I am going to keep moving forward. I am going to forgive her comments. (Yes I am still mad.) It will take time.
It will take......